Abuse

Abuse was my daily life for over a decade. Not every day. There were times that the fires of my abuser's rage were quenched by his last rampage of anger. However, abuse was the norm.

I believed that it was my fault. After all, he did not act this way with other people. He did not yell, scream, hit, throw across the room, try to suffocate, or strangle anyone else. The problem had to lie with me. Beside, that is what he said. It was my fault. I made him do it by not having the house clean enough, not making the right type of supper, speaking in public, looking at him wrong, the children acting up...Oh there were lots of things I did not do right. It was my fault.

What? You don't think so? Well, yes, in a way you are right. Want to know the truth? It was my fault. It was my fault because I ALLOWED him to treat me that way. No, it was not my fault, but the fact that it continued partially is. Yes, there is a breakdown of rationality in the thought process of abused women when it comes to the men who abuse them. I won't get into that today. But I allowed it.

This past summer I said, "NO MORE." I chose to leave. I chose to stop allowing him to hurt me. I chose to STAND UP. I may be STANDING IN THE ASHES, but I am standing. I will not drop, I will not fall, I will not cower. I am still standing and no one can stop me now.