Ashes are all around me. I don't feel like a Phoenix. I feel dirty, filthy. The air is hot, dry, and the ashes are thickly floating on the wind. There is still a fire burning somewhere in this house I called my life. It is not a fire I started. It is the fire of my abuser.
Sometimes I almost forget about this fire. Sometimes it fools me into thinking it has died down. The heat seems to be gone. The ashes are almost settled. I feel safe for the moment.
That moment never lasts long. The fire roars to life right under me; trying to consume me. It is all I can do each time to scramble out of the way. This time it has almost consumed me. This time I was caught unawares. I did not expect this from my antagonizer. Usually I can anticipate his nastiness. I can think like him at times and I am not caught off guard. But this time? This time was different.
However, I am standing in the ashes. I am still standing. That has to mean something. Even though the ashes are so thick I cannot see my way out, even though I feel no hope, at least I am standing. I am standing in the ashes that I once called my life.
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You will rise from the ashes and shine. Let the ashes settle. Give yourself time to heal. Healing is such a long process. There is so much grief to deal with. Sometimes it seems never-ending. So all you can do is deal with it one minute at a time. But deal with it. Don't bury it, don't "get over it". Feel it....
ReplyDeleteI am going to read this word for word..
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